cleanmemory | ♥ INBOX

"Yes, you can shut up and let me do what I need to," Was the curt response, and he was out the door with a bundle of clothes in his arms. He went to collect Jade's too, and was gone for a little bit before returning to the bedroom, donning a tray of tea and a simple breakfast of toast and jam, a couple of eggs, and a few sausage links. Some grapes and orange slices were in a small bowl. He set it down right beside him.

"Here." And he distributed the plate to him. "Sorry it took so long. I wanted to make sure that Jade was all right, too.

"Is this all right?" And he took a seat on the edge of the bed.

And there was that signature abrasiveness Ronald had started to get used to. It got him smiling despite himself. In the time he had been gone, the reaper had managed to dress himself and put his hair to a semblance of rights. The yukata fit him well enough at least. The last time he'd worn something like this was back there so he figured there was some irony to be had about wearing one again here, of all places.

"Yeah, it's more'n alright." He replied. "'Preciate it. Didn't think you'd let me off without a bit of nosh. Is Jade alright?"

"He's fine." They were all fine... and he was very thankful for that. He held the tray to him, mind wandering for a moment. Everything had gone terribly last night. He shouldn't have engaged it... not like he had much of a choice. He should have made more of an effort to just try and flee the battle, but the ayakashi was so fast he was pretty sure it wouldn't have mattered. he was glad to have no made himself feel like a coward. Still...

It made him realize that he really needed to work on getting himself up to snuff as a god. He couldn't just be riding along on a hope and prayer when it came to fighting the ayakashi. Sure, he'd taken on small ones but that had just been... insane. He almost lost someone important.

...Two someones.

"That's a relief..." Ronald sighed, nibbling lightly at the toast. The food gave him time to think. Just as Watanuki had saved him by coming along when he least expected, so had he done for him. By all-accounts, all debts had been repaid, so to speak. Neither had owed anyone anything. But he wanted to stay, wanted to be by his side. And oddly, waking up next to him was something he wouldn't mind doing again. He would be happy to save him. As often as he had to, even.

"That wolf though, love." He mused, frowning as he licked a bit of jam off his thumb. "You'd said it was Zero."

The name being said reminded him of his failure. He nodded his head somberly.

"Yes... Zero-san was the ayakashi. He was a shinki, and so he..." Somehow, some way. Had he said too much? No, he know he didn't. He had said too little and it had left the other man desperate for answers. He didn't know what had happened afterward. Something, something to set him off. Had he run out of those blood pills? Did he... somehow lose control? He supposed that was the only reason.

"...I suppose there was nothing I could do."

Again, more quiet nibbling. Bit of that, bit of this just so he kept his mouth occupied. Clearly he was either developing some sort of oral fixation or he thought better with food in his mouth. But he listened in silence before sliding his arm quietly around Watanuki to pull the other gently to him. "Wasn't your fault." He whispered.

"Don't blame yourself. Would've ruddy well happened even if you ent said a thing to him." The reaper continued, lightly nuzzling his cheek. "Nothing's on you, sweetheart. You tried to do right by him best you could."

His eyes closing, another kiss to the other god's forehead. "He'll be back, right as rain. Just you wait."

He pushed himself against Ron's body, taking in as much of the closeness as he could get. When Ron nuzzled his cheek, he did the same back. When he got his forehead kissed, when he was called sweetheart again...

He was very quickly finding out that he loved it.

"I..." No, if he kept blaming himself... he'd never be able to get over it. Ron was right. He had managed to help by pinpointing what was wrong... but in the end, it was up to Zero to do what he needed to with that information. He couldn't let guilt... get the best of him.

"I'm just glad you and Jade are all right. That's all that matters to me."

Now he was certain he was getting in too deep. This closeness... he could get used to this closeness. It was warm, familiar and the best he could offer at this moment. He kept that arm around his shoulders, his hand sliding down to lightly stroke Watanuki's own a moment. If Ronald was asked, the excuse he would have give was 'he looked like he needed it'. But was that really an excuse?

"M'glad you're alright too." he finally sighed. "All that mattered was getting your arse out of there before the blight did you in."

Again, another light nuzzle of his cheek and a click of his tongue. "You've to stop running about and sticking your neck out when you oughtn't. Least not til you've learned proper defense. You're helpless out there."

"Before I came here... I never had to fight anything before." Well, he'd had a bit of a confrontation once, but for the most part, combat was completely foreign to him. "...I...

"I know I was helpless, but... I can't just sit still... and I can't stand by while something is happening... not if I might be able to help... even a little."

He closed his eyes at the nuzzling. He... he really liked it...

"Were--" The was some hesitance. "...Were you... really worried about me?"

The reaper pulled his arm away just so he could straighten up and look Watanuki in the eye. His brow was furrowed, a mixture of worry and disbelief in his eyes. "Course I was ruddy well worried!" he replied, gripping his hand before letting out a breath. "If you di--"

And then it hit him.

The weight of a life -- it was the lesson all reapers were taught before they left training. The weight of a life was a lesson they had to learn since they'd taken the weight of theirs lightly. It wasn't a lesson Ronald took too seriously. But after that school and this encounter, he had started to understand just what exactly it meant. The weight of a life and the loss of it was heavier than he ever thought. With that realization in his mind, he shut his eyes, his arm hugging Watanuki tightly.

"Dunno what I would've done if you died..." he finally said, a soft choke finally coming from his throat.

Edited 2016-11-11 03:29 (UTC)

'Dunno what I would have done if you died...'

If anyone had ever felt that way about him before... they had never said it. So when Ron did, he felt his heart pound so hard and heavy in his chest he was surprised that he didn't get dizzy. He... he...!

He threw his arms around his neck, and he didn't stop himself--his lips crashed right into Ron's.

Even before Ronald could react, even before he could let a tear slip past they were kissing again. And this one was harder, eager. The reaper shut his eyes tightly, hugging him to his chest as he pulled him close, welcoming it. If he was wrong, if this was wrong then let him be wrong.

His heart was racing, hand near trembling as he deepened it. The weight of a life was a dangerous thing. The weight of this life was heavy against his heart. As much as there was something left of him with Watanuki, so had the other left a little something of himself with death. He couldn't help but let that tear slip and it rolled hot against his cheek. Not this life. No one would ever take the weight of this life from him.

He pulled his lips away once the kiss had tapered off. He turned his head, burying it into Ron's neck. His hands pet the other's hair as he remained close, hugging him. He...

He felt something, odd in his chest, warm and fuzzy. He nuzzled into Ron's neck. This person made him feel... in a way he never really had before. He had thought his heart had pounded when he saw Himawari, but it was nothing like this, not even close. This was a different feeling; something more profound and mature and... and... sensual even, and the thought had him hugging the man's shoulders a touch tighter.

"I don't... think I would've been able to lose you, either."

Ronald's head lowered slightly, forehead touching the other god's as he watched him. He locked his gold rimmed eyes with Watanuki's mismatched own as his hand moved to grasp his again. Surely, a little intimacy was fine, wasn't it? They could have this?

Whatever this is.

"The buggering hell'm I going to do to you..." he whispered, fingertips tracing the other god's jaw as he leaned to brush their lips together. "M'not sure where to begin with what you've ruddy well done to me."

His heart was in his throat. He couldn't properly respond. He just made a little humming noise and closed his eyes, parting his lips a little to let Ron had whatever way he might with them.

Ronald certainly couldn't stop. These kisses were addicting. How they made his heart race, why he suddenly felt a nervous little knot in his stomach... he should be used to this. Courting, seducing, stealing hearts... so why did he feel so nervous? Like something he said or did could make it go all wrong?

But he leaned in, taking another kiss and another and one more even though he knew he shouldn't. His hold remained tight around Watanuki, as if his relief and need to see him safe was all he wanted.

Again. he realized they shouldn't be doing this, but here he was, they were. And those gentle, small kisses left the over and over, his eyes closed and breathing soft.

But eventually, his eyes opened him, awakening him from the dream, and... he realized he had no idea what was going on. Why were they kissing, again? Hadn't they... already established they weren't going to do that anymore?

"...Ron-san..." He murmured faintly.

The reaper refused to break away, eyes closing as they broke the kiss. He let out a breath, his forehead pressed against the other god's as his fingers remained tracing his cheek, his jawline, the back of his neck. But he remained in silence, a guilty sort of silence. His hand slid back, his head still lowered. He shouldn't. They weren't supposed to carry on like this. He was mercilessly leading mercy on.

Was he though? His heart leapt at the thought that he wasn't really leading him on. That there was something there, something neither of them wanted to put a name to.

"M'sorry, Kimihiro." He whispered and leaned in again, taking another kiss. Was he apologizing for the kiss? For wanting another? For the fact he didn't want to be with anyone else? Or the fact that he doomed them both?

There was that kiss, another one, another one--it was as if he was addicted and didn't want him to stop. They felt wonderful, and coupled with his name, his cheeks were flushed and his heart was out of control.

"I..." He was about to apologize too, but he didn't know for what, so he didn't, letting the words die in his throat. He licked his lips a little, and he could taste the other on them.

"...Please..." He didn't know if he wanted to ask him to continue or to stop. He hoped Ron knew. He hoped the other could make the right decision for him.

That singular word almost undid Ronald. It would be so easy, after all. They were already in a rather compromising position. Alone. Watanuki had been responsive to those stolen kisses after all. Surely they could take it a step fur-

No. No, not like this. Not here, not now. Not when everything was up in the air and nothing was certain. What if things went south somehow? He understood the heat of the moment and this most certainly was it.

But surely, just a small taste.

So he leaned in, kissing once at the curve of his neck then at his pulse before drawing away. There was a shake of his head even as he placed his hand over Watanuki's own. "Should prolly quit while I'm ahead, sweetheart..." he whispered. "Wouldn't want to do anything you'd regret, eh?"

His mismatched eyes looked over Ron's face. There was a slow nod in agreement.

"Mm--" A pause. "...Mm-hm..." And again, nodding, unsure what else to say. He was busy trying to sort out what all of this meant. He looked down at the plate of food that had been shoved off the side and almost tilted over, abandoned from their kissing. He glimpsed up at Ron.

"...Are..." Slowly, trying to come back to normalcy. "A...re you feeling... better?"

"A bit, yeah." Ronald murmured back as he reached over to straighten the plate. His body seemed alright. The fatigue had finally ebbed down and he was certain that if he tried, he'd be able to send himself home.

But something else ached right in his chest.

"Dunno what came over me then." he finally sighed, straightening up and looking at his hand that rested slack against his knee. "Can't seem to help myself when I'm with you."

He straightened up as well. There was a heavy flush on his face. "I...

"...It was my fault as well," He murmured. He fidgeted, playing with his slender fingers. "I--

"Your laundry..." He murmured. Any reason to excuse himself, and he was off, hurrying outside of the room.

Damn. Damn, he'd fucked up. He'd fucked up by kissing him the first time under that tree. Fucked up by kissing him again after that. Fucked up more by letting that happen. His hand instinctively clutched at his chest, as if the weight of that life was what made it heavy.

This realization had him slumped back against the pillows a moment. He was in too deep -- and the sad part was he liked it. His arm came over his eyes with a heavy sigh.

"S'not your fault." he called, letting out a breath and not quite caring if Watanuki could hear him. It needed to be said. Maybe he could lie here a moment more. Just a bit to think things over.

He was gone for another stint of time, before returning with Ron's clothing, neatly pressed and folded. He set them down on the bed, before glancing down to the ripped and soaking yukata off to the side. He let out a heavy sigh.

"I'll have to buy a new yukata and a phone for Jade," He stated, crossing his arms. Watanuki let out another sigh. "...And...

"...And I'll have to do what I can to not be as helpless," He added. "I...

"I will see if there is anyone who can help me."

♥ INBOX

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)